


About Eylül

by Kestral



Category: Masks: A New Generation (Roleplaying Game), Valor Academy (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, spoilers for episode 32
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23165218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kestral/pseuds/Kestral
Summary: Süheyla would rather not talk about Eylül. She'd much rather pretend that conversation didn't happen and never bring it up. Unfortunately, sometimes you really do need to do the hard thing and talk to your mom about what you learned while being flung through time.
Kudos: 4





	About Eylül

It was dark by the time Süheyla got back to the motel. She’d stayed at Azumi’s for several hours, then gone out to dinner with Kidd and Elpis to decompress from all that time travel nonsense.

She fumbled through her pockets for the door key, then slid it through the sensor. The light flashed red and the machine beeped. Muttering a few curse words, she slid the card through several more times, trying different speeds until finally the little computer read it correctly. The light flickered green and with a whir and a clunk the mechanism unlocked.

“Süheyla?” Her mother called nervously from inside as she pushed open the door.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Welcome home,” she said, stepping out from inside the closet. Then she sighed, realizing what she’d called this motel room. A small bathroom, a closet, and a room mostly taken up by two beds was not home. Home would at least have a chair. Maybe even a table, but let’s not get too ambitious.

“How was your day? Oh! How is Azumi doing?”

Süheyla swung her backpack off and chucked it into the corner by the door. “She’s alright, _somehow_. We had to fight a time traveler and Jayce had to enchant a mechanical heart or something, so that’s all fixed now.”

She blinked a few times before deciding to carry on like everything she’d just heard was normal. “Well, that is a huge relief.”

“Yeah, I‒“ Süheyla looked at her, and forgot what she was about to say. She hadn’t noticed it before, but her mother had changed. The lines around her eyes deeper, her hair less brown than it had been on that sunny afternoon 8 years ago. It shouldn’t have been shocking, but it happened so gradually that she’d never seen it until now, when in this dimly lit motel room it seemed a sudden transformation.

“Süheyla? Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” She shook her head, trying to focus. “I’m fine. Just another wild day, you know?”

“I can only imagine. Do you,” she paused, unsure, “want to talk about it?”

Did she want to talk about it? “Nah. I gotta study though. Fucked up that I still gotta do a final in a few days.”

The familiar look of vague disapproval flashed across her face, as it did every time Süheyla swore. “Well, hopefully these next few days will be quieter, and you can get lots of studying done.”

The pillow had a floral scent. Not a strong one, not of any flower she could name. It was a different detergent than her mom used. It didn’t smell like home.

She rolled over, shifting, spreading out and trying to find the edge of the bed.

The room shouldn’t feel unfamiliar. She’d have over a week to get used to this bed. To not feel so disoriented and restless every night.

It wasn’t the bed that was the problem. It was her, and what she couldn’t stop thinking about. How her mother had talked when she thought she was a stranger. What she’d said. Five words in particular ran on repeat in her head. Circling, doing a stomach-turning dance that couldn’t be ignored.

She rolled onto her other side and opened her eyes. Separated by just the distance of a nightstand was her mother’s bed.

Her mother was sitting, propped up by pillows, her face illuminated by her phone screen. The white light turned the lines in her face into hard shapes. Süheyla felt like she was observing a statue, or a moment of frozen time. She didn’t belong in that stillness that was broken only by her mom’s thumb twitching across the touch screen. She would fit in better with the traffic outside, moving at high speeds just to keep up with her thoughts.

“Mama?”

She sighed and set her phone down. “Süheyla, it’s late, you’ll need to get up early for school tomorrow.”

“I know, I know, but I can’t sleep.”

“Do… you want me to sing for you?” She sat up straighter, preparing for a deep breath.

“No, it’s not,” Süheyla pushed herself up. “Today was like, really weird. And I thought I could pretend part of it didn’t happen, but I can’t and there’s something we need to talk about.”

Her mom sighed again and reached over to turn on the desk lamp. “What is it?”

“Do you remember Eylül?”

“Eylül?” She had to think about it. “Eylül, the name sounds familiar. Was she someone you used to go to school with?”

Her heart sank. She was hoping to need to explain just, the least amount of stuff possible. Which was already a lot of stuff.

“Wait, no, actually I do remember an Eylül. I only met her once, but she was nice. Seemed like a troubled teen, but…” Her eyes widened, then narrowed. She strung her next words together cautiously, like an accusation she was afraid to make. “She looked, ah, a lot like you do now.”

“Ahhaha,” she laughed nervously. “Let’s just say you’ve met Eylül a few more times than once.”

“What is going on Süheyla?” She said sharply.

“I did some totally unintentional time travel today. Because apparently that’s just what happens when you punch a time traveler. Like, time travel is contagious and transmitted by punching.”

She gave an uncertain laugh. “I certainly don’t know enough about time travel to dispute that.”

“So yeah, I was Eylül. For me, that conversation was today.” She looked at her mom, watching her face as she looked back through the years to remember the details of a conversation.

Horns went off outside, and people yelled indistinctly as her eyes widened. “Oh.”

“Yeahhhh,” she sighed. The five words, this time as a question instead of a confession: “He had a secret family?”

“I’m so sorry, I was going to tell you, I really was, there was just never a good time.” She rubbed her face, her voice breaking. “I told myself, when you were 13 you’d be old enough to understand, but then you were taken and‒”

“Mama‒” Süheyla leaned forward to interrupt.

“And when you were getting better, when you were finally able to come home, I didn’t want to ruin things for you. I couldn’t, I was so afraid of pushing you away that‒”

“Mama!” She said forcefully. “It’s okay! I mean, it’s not okay, but it’s what happened. And besides,” she chuckled humorlessly, “you’re right. There really wasn’t a good time.”

She sniffed. “You deserved to hear this from me. I guess you did but it’s not the same. I was,” she floundered, “I was going to get you ice-cream.”

“Well, you can still get me ice-cream.”

She took a deep breath and folded her hands in her lap. “You must have so many questions.”

She pushed air out through her teeth. “Yeah. Yeah I do have a lot of questions, and I feel like I don’t wanna know the answers to most of them.”

The two sat, waiting for the other to speak, until eventually they both spoke at the same time.

“Maybe tomorrow, with ice-cream?” Her mom suggested just as a question burst out.

“Does he even know? About me, and what happened?”

The argument outside moved farther away, shouts muffled further by distance.

“Yes,” she said, the word weighty enough to make her hang her head. “When you first went missing I let him know. And then, I don’t know why I tried, why I even bothered, I was just desperate.” She pressed her lips together in a grimace before continuing. “I tried to get him to visit you when you were stuck in the bubble. I was looking for _anything_ that could help.”

“Oh.”

The weight pressing down on her mother settled also in her stomach.

“I’m so sorry.”

Süheyla blinked, fighting back against the prickle at the corner of her eyes. “No, he’s been gone for over half my life at this point. I should be used to this.” She hated how her voice quavered, this shouldn’t hurt like it did. “I should be used to this, to him, not caring enough about me to ever show up.”

“Süheyla‒” her mom reached out a hand.

She crossed her arms, gripping at her sides. Her voice deep and rough and suddenly so heavy. “Fucking asshole.”

Her mom nodded as she got up from her bed to sit next to her. “I know.”

“What, what was so bad about us that he needed a whole different life? Why weren’t we enough?” She choked on her words.

She reached out, placing a warm hand on Süheyla’s shaking shoulder. She gave her a squeeze, then pulled her into her side, wrapped her other arm around her.

“I don’t know, Süheyla, I don’t know,” she said, her voice muffled through her hair. “I’ve wondered for so many years and I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever get to know.”

Süheyla took a shuddering breath in, and out. Her head resting against her mom’s chest, she listened her breath hitch, and release.

“But you know what I do know?”

“What?”

“You are loved. Süheyla my baby, I love you so much it feels like my heart is breaking. I’m sorry he didn’t love you, didn’t love us, but he _is_ an asshole. Not getting to see you grow up is his loss, because you are amazing and the most incredible daughter and I love you with all my heart.”

“Mmm,” she hummed, unable to find any words.

“It’s true! You deserve the world and by God I would give it to you if I could.” She began combing her fingers through her hair.

Süheyla relaxed, letting her mom’s fingers brush through the long strands as her breathing grew less ragged.

Her world grew slower, her mom humming and gently untangling the knots. The rush of thoughts and questions quieter. Everything that remained unanswered could wait for tomorrow.

Tomorrow, and ice-cream. 


End file.
